Welcoming Sal Staudenmaier
The home-birth of our second child, and our first son; Sal Jarick Staudenmaier.
FOR CONTEXT
Most of you already know this, but in this pregnancy I was, what my doula coined - “paying in advance” for my labor during all of my third trimester. This means, I was feeling so achey and having quite a few physical ailments that typically don’t develop for most women or if so, not until pretty close to their due date. For many weeks, I had extreme pain on my right hip/lower back that was never able to be resolved even after consistent/continuous chiropractic care & physical therapy. It worsened as I got heavier and I would sometimes not be able to move my leg entirely. I also developed hemorrhoids that hurt so bad that we went to the ER on a Friday night so they could tell me I will live through them. Unfortunately there is not much that can be done for hemorrhoid pain (when pregnant) aside from all OTC/at home treatments which I had been doing. So get this, I could not walk comfortably (due to my hip/back pain), and I could not sit comfortably (due to my hemorrhoids), I also had SPD and was still was dealing with nausea even at 39 weeks! This lead me to just not be in a great place mentally and feeling so defeated before labor even started. All of these ailments combined really slowed me down on my tracks and I lost the ability/desire to do so much. I stopped working as many hours, I avoided having to care for my toddler alone, and simply resorted to laying on my bed or couch and watch hours upon hours of reality TV shows to help time pass quickly! I could feel my body getting weaker and weaker and felt pretty helpless about it.
On Saturday morning (after my ER trip) I asked people on social media to please pray for me, and to pray I would have the baby asap so I can begin to heal. And there must have been some amazing prayerful people because I began to lose small pieces of my mucous plug Saturday evening. I told my husband on Saturday night before bed that I truly suspected baby could be here on Sunday and to prepare to not show up for work (he works full days on Sundays as he is a minister 😉).
THE EARLY SIGNS
Mild contractions started at 4:45am on Sunday March 20th and by 8:00am I let the midwife, doula, and photographer know. My contractions were regular for some time and then would kinda become irregular for other times. It was hard to gauge if labor was advancing because depending on what I did I could make them get more consistent or slow them down.
My doula came to check in on me pretty early around 8:30am and immediately started to monitor my contractions, feel my belly, and began to gather all the supplies and set the birthing space. She took charge of inflating the pool, placing the liner, making sure to know the size of our water heater, connected the hose, started all the diffusers in the house and taking charge of communicating with my midwives and photographer.
Once my daughter was up and around, we immediately knew she was not gonna be able to stick around too much longer with us. She did not react really well to having other people in the house talking to ‘mommy’ and I really wanted Drew to be able to focus on me so we arranged for her to spend the day with friends and packed her a bag-to-go. Honestly, this part was very difficult for me. I definitely had hoped that I would have baby through the night, or on a day she goes to school so that I did not have to disrupt her routine, but here we were. It weighed on me, especially because sending her to a friends house all day is not something that she had ever done. And, of course, we did not know when exactly we’d be able to pick her up. We do not have family around us so she is not really used to going to anyone’s house without mommy or daddy!
EARLY LABOR
During early labor I felt so silly. It was a mix of like “yay, labor is here” and also a mix of “hmmm, I am not sure this is really gonna happen anytime soon.” My doula stated I was in denial, which I was. With contractions started and stopping randomly and varying in intensity from very painful to mild- it all felt like a joke. I was ready to just say, “okay never-mind everyone, we can try again tomorrow.” Looking back I wish I would have waited longer to tell anyone my contractions had started. I think it would have help me avoid the self imposed pressure of “now I told people and they are gonna be waiting to hear from me soon, this better happen quick”… but I also was nervous that my photographer could miss my birth entirely considering second labors are ‘generally faster’ - so I did want everyone to have a heads up. However, in my case, my second labor was definitely not faster.
After a few hours of mild contractions that would vary in intensity, at around 2:00pm I started to throw up and shake and that is when my doula called the midwife to come, and that’s when she also called the photographer! When they came, I had already gotten in the pool and contractions had once again slowed down. My midwife asked if I wanted to be checked and I really did. Typically many people recommend you don’t get checked so you don’t feel discouraged or stuck - and I do think that is true to an extent. Sometimes data can be really great to help you know how to move forward. In my case. I wanted to get checked and when she said I was at a 3 it validated that I was still in early labor. My midwife stated that it was too early for them to be here to stay, and pointed out it could be too early for the photographer too although it’s always hard to predict how soon a person can progress. So, my midwife left. My doula also stated she would go and come back real fast to see what that does to labor. My photographer stayed, and also acted as a sub in doula since she had her certification too. She was kind to time my contractions and be so supportive during this time. I would recommend Aniston Birth Photography 100% to anyone!
It was a little scary to see my doula and midwives leave but also motivating for me to rest and feel less pressured to progress. So while they were gone I laid on the couch. I tried to eat lunch but could not even take a bite as soon as my husband brought me the plate. After about1.5 hours she called my doula back since contractions really started to pick back up in intensity and frequency. There was a point where my legs were shaking so bad which is something I had not experience in labor before. It felt like an earthquake going through my hips.
GOING THROUGH TRANSITION
Once my doula was back everything became kind of a blur… I went to the shower, then the tub, and labored in there for the rest of the evening. My other midwife arrived probably around 6pm and began to set up. She asked if I wanted to be checked and I think I said yes but walking from the tub to the bed was an hour long journey in itself. My body was not necessarily weak from labor, but from months of being in pain and unaligned. I could tell I had so much weakness in my legs and it was a tough pill to swallow. I needed assistance lifting my legs and taking steps. My midwife, did not want to tell me how dilated I was - but I really wanted to know and I was at a 5. I was actually pretty encouraged by that. I was progressing, slowly - but progressing! So I went back to the tub and continued to labor.
The contractions kept getting longer and stronger, and began to end with a touch of that “push” feeling. I was too nervous to push with them because I know that pushing too early can be extremely exhausting and draining and I was waiting for a more clear urge to push. As each contraction came and went that “push” feeling became stronger and I began to gently push towards the end of each of them. Then finally, with one of them my water broke and I got so scared I screamed. Feeling the water break immediately signaled me baby would be born any second.
I clearly remember my doula telling me, “I know you feel a lot of relief right now but I want to prepare you that labor is about to get more intense.” I have a hard time wrestling with this phrase because although I appreciate the intention to “warn me” - I am so sensitive to words and have a hard time putting mind over matter that this warning actually scared me. As soon as the next contraction came I definitely think the baby head dropped significantly because the pain/pressure/feeling of that contraction made me lunge and grab whoever was right in front of me and I was dead scared. Right after that came the ring of fire, that I had imagined would last seconds… but I swear I felt that ring of fire for a solid 4 minutes… I kept telling my midwives “I feel the right of fire, I feel the right of fire… I still feel the ring of fire!!!” They coached me to push when I would feel a contraction which I did, and soon enough I could feel baby’s head slowly descend. My midwives encouraged me to reach down to feel babies head but I could not balance myself well enough to try. Like I said, my body was so weak and I was so unbalanced from that weakness I truly relied on a lot of actual physical support! My husband was literally holding my body weight so that I could maintain certain positions. Once I was able to lay on my back I was about to feel babies head and I kept asking my midwife if she can’t just pull him out lol - and she was like, “push with the next contraction” so I did, and he came out all the way! My total pushing time was 6 minutes, and I believe I only had to push 3 times. Baby came out with his fist right on his cheek and his head sideways (makes sense why labor was long with lots of start & stop).
Baby was place on me immediately and I confirmed that it was a BOY! I had been suspecting it was a boy, but ya never know! He looked just like my first born daughter coming out fresh into the water so that was a sweet and familiar feeling I will never forget.
Q&A’s
Would you do a home-birth again? I feel conflicted in my answer. I am absolutely glad that I had a home-birth with this baby because it certainly was on my bucket list of things to try. Sounds like a weird answer, but I do like trying new things even home-births! I also suspect that the reason my labor was long is because I did struggle to ‘get in the mood’ per say. Since I do spend a lot of time at home, I think my brain was not processing the fact that I could also birth at home. Whereas had I gone to the birth center again I think I would have had an easier time embracing and welcoming labor instead of running from it. When it comes to “pain” I am not the greatest at mind-over-matter, which is a great skill to have during a home-birth. However, I would absolutely birth unmedicated again, just not sure if at home. I will say that the prenatal care with a private midwife is absolutely preferred over midwifery care at a hospital/birthing center. I enjoyed how non-invasive it was, I did not have to feel like I had to prepare in advance to give a scripted answer where as I think in other prenatal environments I did.
What was your favorite part of birthing at home? My favorite part undoubtedly is postpartum, ha! Nothing like laying in my own bed, with my own food/snacks, and pillow to rest. Even at the birthing center, it was really hard to rest postpartum (you’d think it would be easier) but there is so much monitoring happening, and it felt like someone was knocking at my door every hour to check on this or that… we did not get any sleep the day after birth at the birthing center and when we got home we crashed so hard - it was a rough start. At home, I got so much sleep and rest and healing has felt easier. Having the postpartum visit from my midwife in my own home and bed was also so great. I did not have to try to get ready and go on a drive to see my provider!
What was your least favorite part of birthing at home? My least favorite, I think undoubtedly was how hard it was for me to put mind-over-matter. Since I just spent two full years working from home, home is a place of rest yes - but also a place of work. I was just not able to truly relax and let myself embrace labor. I felt like I was very tense and I think that came from a place of worry about “will I have enough hot water to keep the pool warm?” “will I enjoy being left alone postpartum without a ‘call button’? etc etc. I do think that if I did it again I would know the actual answer to these questions, and that is that there is nothing to really worry about.
Are you glad you hired a doula? I am, but in a different way than I expected. My doula was extremely hands on with getting the house completely prepped for the birth. I had no idea she would do that and it was so great to see her in action. She knew exactly how to inflate the pool, how to fill the pool, how to put the liner on, how to communicate with my birthing team, etc etc. If I had no doula I am not sure Drew would have been able to do as great of a job because there is a lot of strategy on how you fill your pool to ensure it stays warm and at the right temp for delivery! When it came to emotional support, I think I am just a tough client haha! I have learned in comparing this birth with my last, that I need a very strong personality to coach me through challenging things like birth. I do not need a lot of encouragement, or a lot of ‘suggestions’ I actually need a strong & firm voice to redirect my negativity and tendency to feel defeated. In the event we have a next home birth, I certainly would hire a doula again and I would ask specifically if they know how to set up for birth, and make sure they know the type of coaching I need.
Did you like your midwives? Honestly, up until labor I had a very hard time envisioning how they would be like during labor. Our prenatal visits were always so chill (and I am not very chill), that I could not get a feel for what they would be like during delivery. But that is exactly what they were like, chill. Which is probably a great thing. They were calm the whole time, and very professional in how they approached me and talked to me. I am glad I was able to have both of them at my birth because I think they complemented each other very nicely personality-wise. I really wish that I could take my birthing team out for dinner so that we can re-hash the whole experience over some appetizers. I feel connected to them truly forever, in a far deeper way than I ever did with my birthing center midwife - probably because they were in my home, they were in my space, and I built memories with them in my shower, my toilet, my bed, the hallway, etc. Thankful for Meghan, Christina, and India from The Cincinnati Birth Center.